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Excellent Three

Excellent Three

E3 happened last week and - as has been the case in years past - the dust is still settling. Sony wasn’t there; everyone and everything else was. Except for ‘Beyond Good And Evil 2’ because they already dropped very beautiful snicklefritz before the party. We saw a load of reveals, gameplay and orchestral performances which is nice and even more things got release dates, some of them with more power to levitate your eyebrows offa your facade than others. There were also appearances from certain people to cause a heart to chorus.

Can I go to Brick Lane? Can I go to The Pride and will Lenny be there? This is the information I crave with dark lust.

If you believe that anything more than a single playable hour is possible come March 2020 then ‘Final Fantasy VII’ is coming then. It looked flashy, slick and very Japan which is everything I need from that game. ‘Watch Dogs Legion’ is also slated for 2020 and you can play as a grandma and possibly even visit my house. This too is optimal and I am daydreaming about just how much of the Big Smoke they have managed to capture. Can I go to Brick Lane? Can I go to The Pride and will Lenny be there? This is the information I crave with dark lust. ‘Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order’ was on show and it looked a touch on the stiff side? I got the distinct feeling that their storm troopers are running on the same AI as those in ‘Battlefront II’ and they were not the smartest. If anything, they seemed to just be waiting around to become lightsaber sushi and completely incapable of hitting dick with a blaster…actually wait, that’s one hundred percent cannon and I’m fine with it so long as I get my little WALL-E friend.

my mouse finger is writhing in ectasy at the promise of combat with those fucking mind flayers

’Cyberpunk 2077’ and Keanu Reeves are also down for 2020 [April 16th to be exact] which is fifty-seven years sooner than previously believed, so that’s good. Their new trailer was the stuff of dreams but I’m almost at the point where I just need to get my hands on it and I don’t need to see any more of the thing until I have the thing in my paws. It looks like the city where my best nightmares go to have fun and it manages to be both dark and breathtaking at the same sexy time. And it’s not the only thing pulling that off. Larian Studios are indeed making ‘Baldur’s Gate III’ and my mouse finger is writhing in ectasy at the promise of combat with those fucking mind flayers, mouth tentacles and all. I have heard rumours that ‘Pokemon Sword & Shield’ was actually hands-on at the convention for some lucky peeps and I could not be more jealous. Apart from there being Scott Pilgrim BOTB sized ‘mons, there also appear to be instances for multiplayer that include raids? If that’s not enough to get your gears cranked then there are most definitely free roaming beasts in the wild, including a machoke that intends to ride you like a ponyta.

I didn’t see them wasting that engine but confirmation is far better than us crouching in the dark

Nintendid is actually killing it this year with more games earmarked for the latter half of 2019 than I would have though possible. You can go ahead and play all of the OG Mana shit right now on their electronic store, the new Lego Link game looks hella cute and through some form of witchcraft, Geralt of Riva shall be hacking his way onto the Switch and yes, it’s the third one and no, I have no idea how they’re managing that. That’s all just this year. There’re also a whole tonne of bruisers coming to Smash, including that bear and bird and then next year we’re getting the next instalment of Tom Nook’s business empire. On top of that, they’ve actually gone and Majora’s Masked ‘Breath Of The Wild’ which is indeed both the best and wildest thing to have emerged from the fog of war this week. In all honesty, I didn’t see them wasting that engine but confirmation is far better than us crouching in the dark, mumbling sweet and terrifying nothings to one another. Let’s just hope they can push it a little later than March 2020 because we haven’t even got to all the cool indie stuff yet and we are due to be inundated with gold.

Oh, George RR Martin and Dark Souls director Hidetaka Miyazaki are getting super cosy on a new FromSoftware game. I forget the name now but I can guess if you like. Shame Of Bones? Darksigners? A Song Of Ice and Fuck You?

Wait, it’ll come to me.

JD - TACOCAT


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Ms Regard

Ms Regard

Blue Boot Trinkets

Blue Boot Trinkets